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This past year or so has just been a series of deep depression cycles. Given how shit I'm (still) feeling lately, I might as well have kept my stressful manager job where I at least had decent pay with good benefits, loved the students, and liked what I was doing in many ways despite the shit environment. Now I'm in a decent working environment, decent hourly pay but shit hours and no benefits (re: teaching job, not my grocery cashiering), and still desperately unhappy. Won't get into details, but had a really tough day in class today and for the first time I cried after class because of the class and students. (Look, I've cried due to work before, but it was never due to the class itself and my students.) Didn't break down in front of my students, but I did when I went to give my supervisor a heads-up.

Anyway, that wasn't really what I wanted to say. I've been enjoying the YouTube playlist of Minx's and Sinow's Shit on Steam this evening and doing some reading (Mass Effect fic). Made me think about creativity, creating things and releasing them to the world to be subjugated to love and hate. As sometimes happens, I kind of had Some Deep Thoughts. It's always worth pursuing creative paths (whatever it may be - making games, writing, drawing, youtubing, etc. etc. etc.) and persevering when you try sharing it with the world - because it's inevitably going to brighten someone's day. Might be only one person, and maybe it ends up being something that makes someone laugh when that wasn't the intention, but... you did that. You helped someone. So despite the shit responses you might get, the cringing you might do over your old or sloppy work, it's a treasure find for someone even when they might not tell you.

So, yeah. That's my uplifting thought of the day. I'm going to go back to reading, drinking hot cocoa, and finishing my shot of rum. I just was not in a good mental space to write a cover letter tonight so that rough draft is on my list for tomorrow. Wish me luck.



( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 9th, 2016 04:10 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Good luck, and I hope things start getting better soon.
Mar. 9th, 2016 04:59 pm (UTC)
*hugs* You're so right, for a long time there, I wanted to be in a creative career that I didn't really see a point to. It didn't contribute to society in any way, I had thought. But, after these past couple of years, I've realized I should have pursued it, because it's those exact creative things that I didn't think did anything that has kept me afloat and I know has kept others afloat as well. Creativity makes the world a better place.

*hugs* Good luck with your rough draft and I hope things start to look up.
Mar. 12th, 2016 12:45 pm (UTC)
*pours you a cuppa*

Edited at 2016-03-12 12:46 pm (UTC)
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )