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Thanks & more thoughts

Wanted to say thanks for the notes people have dropped my way, I appreciate it!

I had a wonderful Friday - good weather so got fresh air into the apartment, slept in as I decided to forego my conference, didn't work at all, played huge chunk of ME3, and got most of the draft of a cover letter done.

Saturday was mediocre - started well with more beautiful weather, finishing ME3, and finishing the rough draft (it's blah, but at least there's the draft). Then I went into work and get questioned by a bunch of people why I wasn't in on Friday evening. Pissed me off as I'd told the CSM two weeks ago I wouldn't be in due to a full day conference, both via phone call and a note. (I didn't tell anyone that I didn't end up going.) I'm likely to surprise whoever's on duty tonight when I say I have to cut my shift short, doubting that CSM passed it along. I'm hoping I can get out at 10 rather than 10:30 ((scheduled til 12:30, fuck that screw-up)). Had really been planning to call in sick (I've been getting flu symptoms recently), but have given in to do some hours.

Thought I was fine, pretty settled, and then I found myself crying and holding back more tears as I washed dishes long ago. Yet another confirmation that my meds need to be adjusted, I just hope it does some good. See my psych on Thursday so I'm kind of counting down the days. Just so tired of feeling like shit. Also frustrated by feeling like I can't fully talk this out with people because I'm aware that my monologues sound suicidal even though I'm not. I'm just so very emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. I swear my depression hasn't been this bad for so long in years.

Just... more words on a page. I don't like venting it here, something I haven't done for a while, but I guess it's back to something I need to do.

Take care.



( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Mar. 24th, 2016 11:51 pm (UTC)
*hugs* We're always here for you though if you need us. Even if it's just to vent. I do understand how hard it is to try and talk about it, especially when you might sound suicidal even when you're not. Then people just walk on ice around you. I hope your appointment on Thursday proved fruitful *hugs again*
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )